Executive Coaching Expertise- Dr. Karen Otazo

“If we were meant to talk more than we listen we would have been given two mouths and one ear.” You may have heard this saying or others like it, as a child. It’s equally important advice for an adult at work. “He doesn’t listen” is one of the most common complaints about colleagues and bosses. And when you don’t listen, people think that you don’t care.

Now, perhaps you do care, it’s just that you’re not great at concentrating on what others are saying. Or perhaps you’re sure that you do listen. However, the key thing is not what you do, but how your actions are perceived - whether others think you are listening or not. There are many reasons why others may think you’re not listening, ranging from your eye contact, to the way you use your body, to the manner in which you verbally respond.

The good news is that whether you were born a good listener or not, there are techniques you can employ to become a better one in others’ eyes. The techniques of the listening trade are all about “tuning in.” This means being fully present as someone is speaking, and not doing anything else. It may help to think of yourself as a radio dial, tuning yourself to the other person’s station so that you hear them clearly and without interference. If you tune in like this, and display the signs of doing so, to whoever is addressing you, others will appreciate that you are making the effort to understand them.

It’s important to move away from distractions when it’s time to listen to someone. We are bombarded with all kinds of competition to listening these days, from deadlines to the internet or telephone. Relaxing your body, by ensuring you are comfortable, also helps open “tune-in space” in your brain. As does maintaining eye contact; imagine that your face is a satellite dish moving to face the speaker. Listeners can nod to reassure others that they’re listening, but speakers tend to look to your face for reassurance so remember to give them eye contact.

Tuning in takes different forms in different people. Some tune in by “seeing” what they hear, and may need to look off into space in order to listen. Others need to do something with their body such as wiggling a foot, tapping their pencil or doodling. If you are one of these people, it’s important to let others know that you are staring into space or drawing not because you are bored, but because it helps you concentrate on what they are saying.

The way in which you respond to the speaker is further evidence of how well you have been listening. Too quick a response may make people feel that you aren’t thinking about what they said. However, waiting three seconds after someone finishes not only gives you time to tune in to her words, but also shows that you weren’t just waiting for a pause so that you could speak! Repeating some of the speaker’s words and ideas back to him, and asking clarifying questions, are also indicators of a “tuned-in” listener.

To really listen you’ve got to tune in with more than your ears, tune out distractions and let others know, through words or actions, that you’re following what they’re saying.

"I'm Really Listening Even If I'm Not Looking at You:
Learn how our brains work with our senses"
- Dr. Karen Otazo

Are you Kinesthetic/Moving-First?
Are you Visual/Seeing-First?
Are you Auditory/Hearing-First?

Every face tells a story. People may say you are lying when you look down. Not true! You may just be feeling or hearing what’s being said. There’s more to the story on what your eyes are saying. Much more than the pronouncements on the internet and TV would like for you to believe!

All people do not learn in the same way, at the same rate and at the same time. As a writer of business books, a thinking partner and worldwide executive coach for many years, Dr. Karen Otazo helps us understand how our brains work with our senses at school, at home and with any person of authority. I’m Really Listening Even Though I’m Not Looking at You helps, parents, teachers, kids and young adults be more successful at school and in their lives. You will learn about your brain, learning styles and more.

Available on Amazon.com